News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer by Paul Nichol - Oct. 21, 2022

We had quite a vigorous debate the other night at The Gentlemen’s Club. To be fair, it was not an altogether sporting event at all, as the dozen or so Grey folks, consisting of Rick Demaray and John van Vliet, did not really stand a chance against me, a 6th Liner from Morris. The topic for the evening was: “Be it Resolved: that those born in Morris Township are far superior than the unfortunates  from Grey Township.”

Now, I came out hard and fast. I said that humanity is like a vineyard: the best grapes come from the finest terroir and the same is true with people. While I was drinking the fine waters of the Maitland watershed, filtered by majestic oaks, maple and beech trees, the poor foundlings from Grey were forced to satiate their thirst from swamps and frog ponds in the Beauchamps’ Creek. And the results are obvious.

Demaray immediately assaulted me with a weak rebuttal. He says he is an expert about politics because his family dabbles in it in an amateurish way from time to time. (His tactic is always to talk so charmingly that most people think he is right.) “Okay,” he says, “let’s look at the remarkable people that came from Grey Township, Murray Cardiff for instance!” 

I conceded that I was a staunch supporter of Murray. But everything he knew about politics, he learned from his cousin Elston, who came from the 5th of Morris. Furthermore, says I, look at Murray’s two sons. Now Scott does the best he can puttering away on that hard-scrabble farm on the 8th, but Jeff is the wiser of the two. He saw the wisdom of moving across the highway on to the 3rd, where he has prospered.

That was when van Vliet leaped into a state of apoplexy. He says two of the finest politicians he has ever met are Alvin McLellan and Dianne Diehl, both in the Grey Ward. Now I knew I had caught my fish. 

Hmmm. And who spawned McLellan? Yep. Clem and Edna on the 6th of Morris. And Dianne? She was a Bernard. From where you ask? The 6th of Morris.

The audience was polled and the debate was won by the affirmative.

Truthfully Yours,
The Kansas Farmer.