News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - By Paul Nichol
It will soon be Brussels Fall Fair time and I trust our Ag. Society has everything in hand to make it sparkle.
We have a farming community second to none in Ontario, and a Fall Fair to match. I do have a few suggestions for increasing attendance.
First, I would send Dale Wanless and his team of horses to a couple of neighbouring towns to draw attention and “talk it up” with the locals. Unfortunately, we all know Dale. If he gets to talking we may never see him again. Now we could send Laurie Campbell out to do the same job, as he travels around a lot, but by the time Janette wakes him up, runs the shower, shaves him, gets him dressed, feeds him breakfast, starts the car and pushes the big lout out the door, the poor girl will have enough to do.
Second, we need a new kind of competition - not just cattle beasts, corn and confectionaries. How about a “Tall Tale Contest”? I myself will give a $10 prize to the tallest tale told by the biggest liar. I promise this should make for a tight contest between the aforesaid Laurie Campbell and Bill King, both professional liars.
Finally, how about a 20-mile walkathon for clowns? We have quite a number. Gerry Wheeler, Bumpy Beuermann, and Perry Pearce all come to mind, not to mention the whole Huron East Council.
Contestants will be paid $1 per mile, but of course the rules must be strictly obeyed. They will be dropped off 10 miles due west of Goderich by helicopter. Around each participant’s neck will be a securely-fashioned cook stove and one yard of railroad iron. I personally will give $100 to the first clown who finishes the race.
To turn a phrase, it should make for a wang-dang-doodle. Please don’t forget to patronize our wonderful fall fair.
The Kansas Farmer