News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - curated by Paul Nichol (Dec. 16)

Last month was the annual Harvest Stag in Brussels. A wonderful event. But it also coincides with the annual Gentlemen’s Club Boycott of the annual Harvest Stag. We applaud their fundraising efforts, but us old fellars just aren’t up to all that bravado anymore.

 

This year’s gathering was at Gerry Wheeler’s place. Last time we were at King William III’s with steak, lobster and caviar. Predictably, this year’s condiments were slimmer: some old cauliflower florets and a box of stale graham crackers that Brenda had left out for the squirrels.

 

Well, I was down in the dumps and opened the conversation by asking “Does watching all those young bucks up at the arena make you guys feel old?” My best friend King William pondered the question, then kindly said: “I’m tired of all your self-centred, self-aggrandizing, self-important bemoaning and whining. My wife thinks your ego is so big, the rest of us can’t even fit into the same room with you.” 

 

It was obvious that his wife had been conferring with mine.

 

Joe Seili, always the peacemaker and diplomat, tried to mitigate a fight. “They say you are only as old as you look.” I replied, “I think it’s only as old as you feel. Thank goodness for us or people would think we were centenarians”. 

 

Rick Demaray thought that meant those Roman guys with funny helmets. “No, no, I said, those were centurions. I’m talking about people who live to be a hundred or more.” That’s when Campbell suddenly woke up. “Now, wouldn’t that be something!? Then we could all get a birthday letter from Buckingham Palace signed by His Majesty himself!” We promptly told Laurie to go back to sleep.

 

Wheeler tried feebly to blather on about the youthful effects of the rejuvenating sport of pickle ball.

 

Demaray swore by a concoction he had heard about on Zoomer Radio that rhymes with Niagara. Bill said yes, he had tried the same thing and it helped his urinary tract. Exasperated, I retorted: “I’ve heard those commercials too. But I’m not concerned at this stage about incontinence. Our problem is incompetence!”

 

The evening ended with a resolution: “Be It Resolved, that no matter how pitiful us old men are at the Gentlemen’s Club, we will always be younger than Neil McGavin, Ralph Watson and Bob Richmond.”

 

Truthfully Yours
TKF.