News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - Curated by Paul Nichol (Feb. 10)

I have been reading about the recent budget deliberations in North Huron. I must confess I feel a great deal of sympathy for council. They are caught between a rock and a hard place. It’s nice to have all those community assets, but they cost money to operate and maintain. I suppose North Huron’s Recreation Department has been punching above its weight for quite some time. But that can only go so far and now the cows have come home to roost and the crows have come home to be milked.

 

I am not a municipal councillor, nor do I pretend to know anything about recreation, but I’d like to propose a few options for North Huron Council to consider.

 

First is the gymnasium. I admit I haven’t set foot in it for years, as my paunch will testify. But seems to me you could increase memberships and attendance if all female staff were asked to wear bikinis, and all male staff wore thongs. That could liven things up a bit and provide some collateral entertainment that would attract a younger group of patrons.

 

Next is the pool. Does anyone realize that there is not a single aquatic facility in Midwestern Ontario that offers nude swimming? This is a potential growth market that should be investigated with some site visits to nudist colonies.

 

What a shame that the ice surfaces have to sit idle during the warm months. I suggest bringing back roller derby! Does anyone remember Skinny Minnie Miller? I bet if you asked her, she would jump on board and come out of retirement.
Come to think of it, what if you combined the first two options and promoted nude roller derby? Ouch!

 

Finally, I think council is missing a huge opportunity with the Howson Dam. I was watching a program on the History Channel the other day. It was all about those “dam-busters” in World War II. They dropped barrels of explosives along German rivers and blew apart Nazi hydro installations. So, why not talk to the Papples at the airport and organize an annual fly-in festival where planes come and blow up the Howson Dam every year? And blow it up real good. That should draw a crowd.

 

These are just a small sample of my ideas. I’m happy to sit down with my old chum Chief Administrative Officer Dwayne Evans and show him some of my photographs and diagrams.

 

Truthfully Yours
TKF.