News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - Curated by Paul Nichol (Feb. 17)

Dear Readers: This column will introduce a regular bulletin of TKF entitled “News of the World”. As you might expect, I am something of a news hound. Now, most days I have a microscopic focus on Brussels and its environs. But from time to time, I believe there are global events that really hit home for us in our little backwater. So here we go: All the world news that is fit to print.
News Flash

 

Kathy Nichol recently celebrated her 29th birthday. Her adoring husband brought home a helium balloon with congratulatory remarks that immediately got swept away by the wind. It floated over Washington D.C. where it was immediately shot down by the Pentagon and the spy cameras removed.

 

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The New England Journal of Medicine recently published a study that contradicted earlier reports that red wine was good for you. Marguerite Thomas immediately retorted that it was false research undertaken without proper attention to standard health care methodology. She also added that if all that time drinking wine was wasted, it was time well wasted. (Note: I might add that the so-called research was sponsored by the International Old Ladies Temperance League.)  

 

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Someone has knocked out the power grid for up to three-quarters of the Ukraine population. The Russians deny it. So has KW Power Logic. They maintain it has nothing to do with them looking for new markets for their solar generators.

 

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Renowned American composer Burt Bacharach has passed away at the ripe old age of 94. Apparently when approaching the Pearly Gates, St. Peter informed him that they were all full up right now and asked, could he wait around? Bacharach was quoted as saying “Alright then. Do You Know The Way to San Jose?”

 

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In a shocking moment, Toronto Mayor John Tory has resigned. He has confessed to having an affair with a woman half his age. Local political pundit Rick Demaray offered an explanation. “If I could have an affair with a woman half my age, I would tell the rest of the world to bugger off too!”

 

Truthfully Yours
TKF.