News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - Curated by Paul Nichol (Jan. 27)
I was at the grocery store this week. I shop there often, as we are so blessed to have a good store in this town. I went up to the meat counter and see Scott Cardiff there. He and I are old friends. And we have this quaint ritual whenever we cross paths to nod, then say “Hello Neighbour” and bow to one another. (Actually his is more of a curtsey.)
Scott’s there trying poor Gail’s patience. “Could I have a sample of the Hungarian salami?”
“No, not quite. How about trying the Cajun chicken?”
“Hmm. It’s alright, but let’s have a go at the mesquite macaroni and cheese and some of the kosher pork tenderloin.”
Well, by the time he was through his samples, he’d consumed enough cold meat to feed a proper St. Ambrose Catholic funeral.
I couldn’t help but notice that his selections all focused on pork and poultry products. No beef. I was curious and asked him if he was on some new kind of diet. He told me, “I won’t touch the stuff. I know exactly where it comes from and what goes into it.”
We get up to the cashier together, and Scott puts his measly three slices of flavour-free Mediterranean bologna on the counter. “Oh Mr. Cardiff, there will be no charge for that. In fact, we’re going to give you $10.”
“Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat!” I said. “You’re giving him money back? Why, that’s obscene.”
Miss Joanne at the counter stares me in the face and says, “Why no sir, it’s actually called ‘Scene’. Mr. Cardiff has one of our new ‘Scene’ cards. We give him back money every time he buys groceries.”
I asked Miss Joanne how I could get one of these “Not-Obscene” cards. “Why, Sir - you’ve had one for weeks now. Did you not wonder why we keep giving you a payback every time you buy groceries?”
I had to confess I just thought it was because the federal NDP have the Liberals wrapped around their fingers.
Anyway, to cut the story short so Shawn doesn’t have to, in moments Scott and I then made our regular rendezvous at the Liquid Control Store. But I had to caution him. “You know that card is no good here. They have their own schemes for teaching peace to the conquered. Something about aeroplanes. And plus, Dorene Cardiff certainly won’t be letting you try any samples.”