News from The Gentlemen's Club with The Kansas Farmer - Curated by Paul Nichol (March 3)
Some time ago, I commissioned a new map of downtown Brussels. My thought was that it went over so well in Blyth, we should give it a try in our town.
Well, it took awhile, but I have recently received the final proof from the artist. I should have known better. What a debacle! What a disgrace! What a tragedy! What an embarrassment! What an insult!
For starters, the caption is entitled “The Village of Brussels”. Well everyone knows that we are no longer a village. Ever since amalgamation, we have just become a poor suburb of Seaforth.
Secondly, someone is plowing up Janice Machan’s backyard with what looks to be a 1960 Ferguson 35. I don’t suppose either she or Paul appreciate that very much. Plus, heaven only knows who they might find buried back there.
Paul and Barb Mutter appear to have horses stampeding all over their place (or they could be ugly sheep, it’s hard to tell). They might try to put the blame on Don Sholdice, but, either way, someone’s going to be in trouble with the Huron East bylaw enforcement officer (and trust me, you don’t want to mess with that guy).
Next, the Masonic Chapel looks full size. People will be disappointed when they realize you can’t get into it if you are over three feet tall.
I wish to point out that there has never been, nor will there ever be whales in the Maitland River.
Another minor point perhaps, but the trees in the gazebo park appear to be hemlocks, not cedars.
Speaking of trees, the apple orchard that the Oldfields have tended to all these years is given a high profile. And that orchard doesn’t even pay us taxes because it’s across the boundary in Morris- Turnberry!
Finally, Donny McNeil’s Shop is front and centre, right in the middle of town. It looks like a cross between Maple Leaf Gardens and the Royal Ontario Museum. I’d like to know how much he bribed the artist (or maybe it was Sue?). Either way, that might explain why neither one of them can afford a subscription to The Citizen.
In hindsight, I should have ordered a road map. In my opinion, this thing should never see the light of day. But if someone else has a better idea... I’m all ears.