And the winner is... - Shawn's Sense with Shawn Loughlin

Lately, I have been impressed by Donald Trump’s ability to shower praise upon himself. Oh, he doesn’t always do it himself - sometimes he employs some of his devoted sycophants to do it in an embarrassing display of bootlicking that would even be a bit much in most kingdoms. Trump is catching a lot of ridicule for this, but there are a million sayings about needing to be your own biggest fan; your own cheerleader. After all, you must love yourself before you can love another.

 

For Trump, this doesn’t just manifest in Oval Office (gold-framed) mirror talks, it arrives in the form of awards. After whiffing on the Nobel Peace Prize (President Trump and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu are busy bombing children and couldn’t be here tonight, so we accept this award on their behalf), he won the not-made-up-at-all FIFA Peace Prize. He is also the “Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal” and, just the other day, he won the “America First” Award, which Republicans just made up and gave to him.

 

We don’t honour each other enough. Why is it just one Best Picture? We should be marking every milestone and honouring every victory.

 

And, since the county is doing away with all of its cultural and climate offerings, maybe this is an opportunity for us to step up and present some of the outstanding people in the community with the awards they so deserve.

 

OK, here goes... in no particular order.

 

First, since I’ve already mentioned it, let’s hand out the first-ever Huron County Council Award for Cultural Preservation. This award will go to the next person who attempts to strip a heritage designation off of a Huron County building, which, no doubt, Premier Doug Ford will joyfully allow.

 

Then there’s the Canada Post “We’re Doing This Again?” Award that will honour history repeating itself. The crown corporation wants to strike again, further alienating the few left who support it. This award will go to the people who predictably and consistently run in municipal elections, despite never winning and having no support for their insane, often right-wing, crazy conspiracy theories. The winners will be awarded this fall. The statue is made of tin foil, designed to be converted into a hat.
The Mike Harris “You Blew It” Award for Most Unnecessary Amalgamation goes to Ford again for his work with our conservation authorities. Doug - you blew it! This award will be given out more than once a year, if warranted, as Ford will no doubt win it again when he eliminates and/or amalgamates the province’s school boards.

 

The Curt Lobb Award for Best Editing goes to me every time I write a column like this. The number of these blurbs that I write that are cheeky and downright mean-spirited (though true) and then immediately delete is very high. I’d like to thank my fellow residents for being endlessly inspiring, yet depressing.

 

The Cowbell “We Bought a Winery” Award for Best Navigation of a New Venture, inspired by the 2011 Matt Damon vehicle, We Bought a Zoo, will be handed out as warranted every time someone opens a new business in Huron County - zoo, winery or otherwise.

 

This is just the first installment of these new awards, which have yet to be named, but I’ll think of something. Perhaps we’ll have enough not-at-all-mean-spirited ideas throughout the rest of the year to hand them out again. Time will tell, but I’m sure we can dream up a few more. If you have any suggestions for new, made-up awards to be handed out, e-mail me at [email protected]. I’d love to see them.