As Modest Mouse says, "March on!" - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson
The calendar for March has become so saturated with marches that residents have begun referring to this month as “the March of Marches.” The development follows the continuing expansion of the March for Betty White Mega Marches, a series of co-ordinated public marches throughout March intended to build enthusiasm for the proposed statue of Betty White in Wingham, the birthplace of her grandmother Margaret Hobbs.
The marches themselves were originally described as a simple community-building initiative involving people walking together while contemplating the possibility of a tasteful artistic representation of Betty White standing somewhere pleasant in town.
However, a counter-movement has now formed to march against the March marches.
The resulting phenomenon has introduced a complex civic choreography in which some residents march for the marches, some march against the marches and a growing third category marches simply because the sidewalks are already full of marching and it seems polite to participate.
The March for Betty White Mega Marches began innocently enough during the first week of March when several dozen residents gathered to march in support of the statue concept. Participants carried signs expressing enthusiasm for community spirit, heritage recognition and the general notion that Betty White would make an agreeable statue.
Several early marchers later reported that the act of marching itself produced a thoughtful atmosphere. The pace encouraged reflection. Conversations occurred at a calm, steady cadence. One resident described the experience as “a kind of civic strolling with direction.”
But as word spread, the marches multiplied. Soon there were morning marches, lunchtime marches, evening marches and contemplative dusk marches during which participants walked slowly while imagining how sunlight might one day reflect off a shoulder.
By the second week, organizers introduced specialized marches intended to explore different emotional relationships to the statue concept. These included the Quiet March for Reflective Citizens, the Forward-Looking Heritage March and a modestly attended Experimental March in which participants attempted to walk backwards while considering the past.
Then came the counter-marches.
The group organizing the March Against the March Marches insists it is not fundamentally opposed to Betty White. Members describe themselves as pro-Betty White but cautiously anti-March escalation. Their concern centres on the precedent created by allowing an entire month to become dominated by organized walking.
“If March becomes a marching month,” one organizer explained during a planning meeting that eventually evolved into a march, “there is no clear boundary preventing April from becoming a month of standing around thinking about the marches we did in March.”
The proliferation of marches has forced the township to create what officials now call the March Grid. This is a colour-coded map of Wingham showing the expected flow of march traffic during peak marching hours.
At present, the grid identifies four primary categories: Green routes for pro-statue marches. Yellow routes for reflective statue-curiosity marches. Red routes for counter-marches opposing the concept of March-based marching. And a dotted blue route for residents who simply wish to get groceries but inevitably become absorbed into a nearby march.
Early concerns that the town might run out of sidewalks have not materialized. Instead the marches appear to flow around one another in an elaborate pattern resembling migrating birds.
Observers standing on balconies have reported moments when four separate marches circle the same intersection in opposite directions while maintaining what appears to be a polite and unspoken understanding.
In some cases, the groups unintentionally merge. One notable event occurred when a lunchtime pro-statue march intersected with an afternoon counter-march and a small philosophical march examining the ethics of marching. The three groups combined briefly into a single formation before gently separating again several blocks later. Participants described the moment as “confusing but respectful.”
After weeks of pro-marches, counter-marches, merging marches, accidental marches and marches about the philosophical implications of marching in March, many residents have begun to arrive at the same gentle conclusion. If so many people are willing to march this much in March about the idea of a statue, it might be simpler to build the darn thing and give everyone somewhere permanent to march past.