Fire up your fax machines, Chaff Rascals - Scott Stephenson editorial
Welcome back to the Chaff-eteria for another serving of what some people call the “tainted lunchmeat” of newspaper columns - The Chaff.
Chaff maniacs and Chaff zealots alike will be happy to know that this a pure, unadulterated serving of The Chaff after the wacky and wild month of October saw this beloved column transform into entirely unknown entities known entirely as The Pumpkin and The Chumpkin. That was “Only-in-October” and now we’ve entered “No-Nonsense” November. This month, nonsense here at The Chaff is strictly forbidden. Any nonsense that is detected will be immediately removed and those responsible for the nonsense will be asked to cut out the nonsense or to move along to somewhere where the climate for nonsense is more accommodating. Not here though. Absolutely no nonsense allowed here or in the nearby vicinity. None. Zippo. If you are not sensical then you are not here because here is not where nonsense is now or ever. Nonsense? That’s going to be a hard no for us. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Not nonsense, that’s for sure. Well then who is it? Nonsense’s friend Justine. Hi, Justine! Hi, The Chaff, have you seen nonsense? Yes! Really? No, of course not - nonsense is not allowed here. Welcome to “No-Nonsense” November.
We have incredibly exciting news to share with you this week at The Chaff. We are unveiling a new program for youth called “The Chaff Rascals” based on a beloved classic that everyone knows and loves and loves to know and knows about loving.
The Chaff Rascals were first introduced to Canadians through a series of short, comedic films that were produced by Chaff Roach Studios between 1922 and 1944. The series was initially known as The Chaff Gang and focused on the adventures of a group of Huron County children. These short films gained immense popularity for their humour and portrayal of everyday childhood experiences. Over the years, the cast of The Chaff Rascals changed, with different child actors joining and leaving the series. Characters such as Chaffalfa, Chaffwheat and Chaffy became iconic figures in Canadian pop culture. The Chaff Rascals franchise also extended to television, with the series being broadcast in various forms on CKNX from the 1950s to the 1990s.
The new “Chaff Rascals” program is looking for recruits. Parents, if you’ve ever marveled at the unique quirks and boundless creativity of your wonderfully weird children, it’s time to consider embracing the magic of the “Chaff Rascals” program. This captivating journey into the world of time-wasting as an art form celebrates the unconventional, nurtures eccentricities and empowers young minds to let their imaginations run wild. By involving your children in the “Chaff Rascals”, you’re not only providing them with a safe space to explore their creativity but also encouraging them to embrace their individuality. This remarkable experience is a testament to the power of thinking outside the box and cherishing the beauty of unconventional ideas. So, why not let your peculiar prodigies join this extraordinary adventure and watch as their inner eccentricity transforms into a source of inspiration and innovation? The “Chaff Rascals” offer a platform where the weirder, the better, and where every child is celebrated for being authentically themselves.
The first step in the process of getting your rascal Chaff’d into the “Chaff Rascals” program is to have them write an 800- to 8,000-word article about whatever they want. It doesn’t have to be about anything in particular but it has to be a waste of time for anybody who reads it. Illogical arguments are encouraged. Words can be perfectly cromulent or completely made-up and fake. Let their little and undeveloped brain’s imagination run all the way to the imagination bank where they can withdraw some additional imagination to top up their existing supply of imagination. The sky is no limit. In fact, the sky is the minimum expectation and there is no maximum. Higher than the sky is fully-permitted and expected. Shoot for the super sky! Also known as outer space.
Next you’ll need to fax a copy of your child’s work to the North Huron Publishing fax machine at (519) 523-9140. If you do not have a fax machine, bring your child’s work to the North Huron Publishing office at 405 Queen Street in Blyth where a fax machine service is available for a small fee.
The submitted work of the aspiring “Chaff Rascals” will be judged harshly by a very mean team of washed-up panelists from unsuccessful reality shows including Ricky Jerk, Paula Abaloney and “Handsy” Alan Handcroft. Expect tears to flow like “Cry-agara Falls” because “Chaff Rascals” judges never think twice about saying something upsetting to children of any and all ages. It’s going to be awful!
Don’t waste another minute on providing your children with a quality education. Sign them up for the “Chaff Rascals” program and fax in their entries today.