I am the 'Chaff' Man, they are the 'Chaff' Men - Scott Stephenson editorial
Ladies, gentlemen, anyone, everyone, someone and no one in particular, it’s a momentous day for The Chaff as we bring you an exclusive celebrity interview, or Chaff-terview as they’re more commonly known to our obsessed fan base of rabble-rousers and clown college drop-outs. Today we rap, chat and banter with none other than “The Egg Man” from the legendary Beatles song, “I Am The Walrus”. Let’s find out more about the egg man behind the enigmatic lyrics and hopefully, if we’re lucky, we’ll also learn a thing or two about eggs.
Scott Stephenson (SBS): We’re here with The Egg Man, who’s agreed to share some stories with us. Tell me, Egg Man, how does it feel to finally step into the hot seat for this Chaff-terview?
The Egg Man (EM): It’s certainly an interesting experience. I’ve been mostly behind the scenes throughout my career, so this is a new and exciting venture for me. Thank you for the invitation to be here.
SBS: Of course, Egg Man! Most people say, “No way, Chaff. Stop calling us!” So, this is a real treat. Is it okay to address you as Egg Man? Or would you prefer The Egg Man?
EM: Egg Man is fine. The Egg Man is too formal, too stuffy, know what I mean?
SBS: Absolutely. Okay, let’s dive right in. It’s been rumoured that you used to date Eleanor Rigby. Can you give us any insight into your relationship?
EM: Eleanor Rigby was a wonderful person. Our connection was a memorable one. We used to stroll down Phlegmy Lane together. Liverpool’s Phlegmy Lane is the actual place on which The Beatles based their song “Penny Lane”, but [Paul McCartney] thought that Phlegmy Lane sounded too gross. Personally, I could go either way, but I digress. Eleanor and I used to stroll down Phlegmy Lane, sharing stories and dreams until she decided to pursue a different path with Father McKenzie.
SBS: I’m sorry to hear that.
EM: Don’t be. I’ve made peace with the past. Things didn’t work out for Eleanor and me but that doesn’t lessen the experience we shared together. I’ll always keep a space in my heart for Eleanor, may she rest in peace.
SBS: We’ve also heard that you had a falling out with Rocky Racoon over a money dispute. What’s the story behind that?
EM: Indeed. Rocky Racoon and I had a disagreement over a financial matter. He borrowed some money from me and when I attempted to collect, he challenged me to a somewhat unorthodox resolution. It led to quite an unexpected showdown, to say the least.
SBS: Like in the song?
EM: I don’t know what you mean. What song?
SBS: Nevermind. You Tweeted recently that you were going on a trip to see JoJo in Arizona. Can you share the story behind that adventure?
EM: Ah, JoJo - a character from another Beatles classic. I decided to embark on a journey to Arizona to meet him, hoping to witness if he could truly “Get Back” as the song suggested. However, upon arrival, it became evident that my expectations were somewhat misplaced.
SBS: Did you like Tucson?
EM: Too hot. I mean, it seems fine there but I just found it to be too hot.
SBS: I understand. Before we conclude, Egg Man, there’s a story that has come to our attention. Can you tell us more about the mutiny that occurred during your adventures?
EM: Ah, the mutiny! That was a remarkable chapter in my journey. You see, the Egg Men and I were on a voyage in the Yellow Submarine, exploring the English Channel. However, as we sailed, disagreements began to surface. The Egg Men decided to stage a mutiny because they didn’t believe in my leadership. They wanted a new direction.
SBS: A dramatic tale, indeed! What happened next?
EM: Eventually, we reached an agreeable compromise and we continued our voyage with a renewed sense of purpose.
SBS: Wow! Thank you for sharing this exceptional story with us, Egg Man. Before we wrap up, do you have any upcoming projects or plans that our readers might find stimulating?
EM: I’ve been working on my debut album, Eclectic Sounds, which is an eclectic mix of music. It features tracks like “Boiled and Loving It,” which explores the nuances of life, and “Scrambled Emotions,” a song that delves into the complexities of the human/egg man experience. It’s an exciting new chapter for me and I’m looking forward to sharing it with the world.
SBS: We’ll certainly be on the lookout for your new album. Thank you, Egg Man, for joining us today and sharing your experiences. It’s been a pleasure to have you on The Chaff.
EM: Thank you, Scott. This was fun.
Stay tuned to the same Chaff channel at the same Chaff time for more Chaff-terviews here at your number one source for The Chaff that Chaff matters - The Chaff!