Letting go - Shawn's Sense with Shawn Loughlin

Over the course of the last month or so, our family has engaged in the practice of nurturing a caterpillar along its journey to becoming a butterfly. We have seen three of them off into the world since late July. First there was Smokey, then there was Christine (named for the co-worker who gave the caterpillar to Jess) and, finally, Anderson.

 

Smokey came from our backyard on one of those days when it was hazy (smoky, if you will) due to the wildfires. He turned into a beautiful Monarch butterfly. We had friends up visiting when he busted out of his chrysalis, so we were all able to experience it together, though, once his wings had dried and he was ready to fly off into the world, our friends had left. It was amazing to watch him go from a caterpillar to a chrysalis to a huge butterfly. It really is one of nature’s miracles when you get to watch the whole process through to the end.

 

When he finally flew away after getting used to his new, non-jar surroundings, Tallulah was inconsolable. She cried after him, calling his name, urging him to come back. She’s an emotional little girl and she is especially sensitive to change and loss, if you can call it that; basically when things end. It’s not uncommon for her to have a good cry after a friend leaves, after we leave a friend’s, etc.

 

So, Jess and I had a few chats with her that night and even into the next day about letting go and doing the right thing by Smokey; that it would be cruel and inhumane to keep a beautiful butterfly like him stuck in a jar, unable to go anywhere, to do anything, to meet anyone - to live his life as he sees fit.

 

We found two more caterpillars once Smokey had left. Anderson was another Monarch that the kids’ grandmother found and Christine was gifted to us from one of Jess’s co-workers. She found the caterpillar on her fennel plants and that’s when we found out that she only ate fennel and other similar plants, like dill and Queen Anne’s lace. 

 

When Christine came out of her chrysalis, it was a bit sad, as only one of her wings developed. She was alive, but unable to fly, so we did our best to put her out into the world, knowing that she wasn’t long for it. When Anderson flew away, it was similar to when Smokey left. It was hard on Tallulah (Cooper didn’t seem bothered as he just swung a big stick around the whole time).
Jess and I have been feeling the pull of time recently; we’re finally feeling as though it’s starting to move a bit too fast. We’ll often ask the kids if they can just stay this age forever or whether they’ll want to hang out with their dear old parents when they grow up. As I’ve talked to Tallulah about the importance of letting go and helping butterflies live their own lives, it might as well be talking myself into it in regards to the kids, so it’s hard not to feel where they’re coming from. 

 

She’s just started Grade 1 and so many parents have told me that I’ll be at her Grade 8 graduation in the blink of an eye, which I surely believe. I’ve had other parents with kids in college who say that they miss these days I’m living right now. I’m doing my best to soak them up, of course, but it’s hard not to think about just how fleeting they are.

 

So, everything I’ve told my daughter about caring for caterpillars and watching them turn to butterflies - enjoying their time together, but inevitably setting them free so they can live their own lives and chart their own path - is something I hope she takes to heart, just as I need to take it to heart myself when it comes to the kids. It’s difficult, of course, but it’s the way of the world, or so I’ve been telling her.