“Hold your horses,” George McKenzie called out to Molly Whiteside as she headed back to the kitchen after filling his coffee cup. “I was going to have breakfast this morning.”
“Sorry,” said Molly, coming back to the table. “You haven’t been ordering breakfast for a while so I never thought to ask.”
After George ordered bacon and eggs and toast and Molly went to let Mabel know about his order, Cliff Murray told him “You know of course what you said was a no-no according to PETA?”
“Of course they don’t want me ordering bacon and eggs,” said George. “They think I’m a savage for eating animals after all.”
“No, I meant the ‘hold your horses’ part,” said Cliff. “PETA’s trying to have us change all those expressions involving farm animals that we’ve been using for centuries.”
“You mean like ‘putting all your eggs in one basket?’” wondered Dave Winston.
“Yup, and ‘bringing home the bacon’,” said Cliff.
“And what would they have us say instead?” asked George.
“They’re suggesting ‘bringing home the broccoli’,” said Cliff.
“They’re joking right?” asked George.
“I don’t think the folks at PETA have a sense of humour,” said Cliff.
“Don’t you sometimes think that as a farmer, you’re under attack all the time?” asked Dave. “I mean I was watching the news the other night and they were talking about climate change and what ordinary people can do about it and they said the first thing people can do is stop eating meat and eggs.”
“As opposed to, say, not flying to a European vacation next summer with all the fuel that they’d burn,” grumbled George.
“Well there are essentials in life!” snorted Cliff derisively.
“Then you have to watch things like those A&W commercials where the guy is passing off burgers made with plant-based protein as if you can’t tell the difference from real meat,” said George.
“Well we’ll get a bit of revenge on the vegetarians,” said Cliff. “Did you see how they’re expecting people’s cost of food to go up $400 a year because of higher costs for fresh fruits and vegetables? Meanwhile the cost of meat is going to go down.”
“Yeah, I liked that part of the reason vegetables are going up in price is that so many greenhouses have been taken over to grow pot!” chuckled Dave. “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”
“I suppose that’s one old expression that will be fine for us to use according to PETA,” said Cliff.
“I think those guys must have been smoking the stuff for years,” said George.
“It’s not only us livestock farmers who are targets,” said Dave. “I saw this piece on CBC the other night and they were talking about how dangerous it is to grow lettuce in a field – remember the problem with romaine lettuce? Anyway, they were suggesting the real answer is those vertical farms where they can grow lettuce without it ever being near nature.”
“I think it’s the fascination people have these days for whatever is new,” said Cliff. “If it’s something new, and it involves technology it’s somehow got to be better than letting the sun grow your vegetables in plain old dirt.”
“I think your breakfast is coming,” Dave told George, nodding toward Molly coming from the kitchen holding a plate. George was distracted, pulling his phone and checking a text.
“The AI guy’s coming early to breed my best cow,” he said. “Can I get that to take home?” he asked when Molly arrived.
“Look at that, he’s bringing home the bacon,” laughed Cliff as Molly headed back to the kitchen to box up the meal.
“Maybe Molly could make it broccoli instead,” laughed Dave.
“There’s no way I’m eating broccoli!” said George. ◊