'You will Rue the day,' - D. Hamson - The Chaff with Scott Stephenson

Our mailbox here at The Chaff occupies a peculiar position within the local information ecosystem. Most weeks it contains the usual assortment of correspondence: complaints, suggestions, complaints disguised as suggestions, suggestions disguised as complaints and occasional handwritten documents that are faxed directly to our office.

 

Last week, a letter arrived that demanded attention. The author was Dervid Hamson. Readers may know Hamson as a man who approaches public policy with the confidence of someone who has never once been burdened by expertise. Upon learning of The Chaff’s ongoing campaign to erect a statue of Betty White in Wingham, commemorating her ancestral connection through Margaret Hobbs, Hamson wrote to express what he described as “grave concerns regarding the direction of municipal celebrity infrastructure.”

 

Ordinarily, The Chaff would reply privately. Unfortunately, Hamson’s letter arrived in a three-ring binder labelled “Emergency Cultural Intervention Strategy”. We therefore present it in its entirety:

 

Dear Editor,

 

I write today with a heavy heart and an unusually light regard for precedent.
For months, I have watched The Chaff pursue its campaign to erect a statue of Betty White in Wingham. I have observed the arguments. I have followed the reasoning. I have admired the persistence. Like many residents, I have spent long evenings staring into the middle distance, contemplating Hobbs and her unexpected influence upon Southwestern Ontario’s future.
And after careful reflection, I have concluded that the campaign is fundamentally correct. It is also entirely wrong.

 

The campaign’s supporters have successfully demonstrated that White’s maternal grandmother was born in Wingham. Nobody disputes this. It is a matter of historical record. A connection exists. The chain is real. It stretches across generations, across borders and across the sort of geographical distances that become much less intimidating when discussed in newspaper columns.

 

What troubles me is the campaign’s failure to follow its own logic to its natural conclusion.

 

If we are prepared to honour White because of her connection to Hobbs, then surely we must also consider the people connected to White herself. The principle is already established. The bridge has already been built. The train is already moving. Refusing to continue along the track would be an act of intellectual cowardice.

 

This brings us inevitably to Rue McClanahan.

 

The facts are straightforward. Hobbs was born in Wingham. Hobbs was related to White. White knew McClanahan. They worked together for years. They appeared together on one of the most beloved sitcoms in television history. They occupied the 
same cultural orbit. Accordingly, McClanahan possesses a connection to Wingham that is both obvious and profound.

 

In fact, I would argue that her connection may be more dynamic than White’s. White inherited her relationship to Hobbs through genealogy. McClanahan actively participated in her relationship with White through friendship and professional collaboration. One connection is historical. The other is operational. Municipal planners should consider this distinction carefully.
There is another matter that cannot be ignored.

 

I simply prefer Blanche.

 

Rose was charming. Rose was kind. Rose was optimistic. Rose approached life with the cheerful confidence of a person who believes every problem can be solved through goodwill and a sufficiently educational story about St. Olaf.

 

Blanche, meanwhile, approached life as though she had personally negotiated terms and conditions with reality. She possessed style. She possessed confidence. A statue of Blanche would not merely occupy public space. It would dominate it.

 

I can already picture the monument: a towering golden Blanche Devereaux gazing across the Maitland River with an expression suggesting she knows exactly what everyone is up to and approves of approximately half of it.

 

Tourists would gather beneath the statue and ask why it exists. Local residents would provide increasingly contradictory explanations.

 

Therefore, I respectfully urge The Chaff to transfer leadership of the statue campaign into my capable hands. Future generations deserve nothing less.

 

Sincerely, 
Dervid Hamson.